Hoax Horror Seizes Shepherd's Bush

This morning, we were lounging around in our flat (enjoying the last of the sticky toffee pudding with some tea) when sirens blared outside and there was a frantic knock on the door, followed by shouts of "Police! Open up! Police!" We leapt up and opened the door to a fully armored and shielded young policewoman, who informed us that there was a "suspicious package" very close to our building and that they were evacuating the area. Running outside in our pajamas, we joined crowds of people gawking at the army of ambulances, fire trucks, police cars and canine detectives milling around in front of our hitherto unnoticed building. They talked about getting out the "little robot" to defuse the bomb and assembled lots of impressive-looking equipment. Deciding that nothing was going to happen any time soon, we wandered down the street for some coffee, watching double-decker buses and delivery trucks trying to back down the street while the fruit vendors who line the Uxbridge Road looked on with undisguised amusement.

When we returned, the crowd was dispersing and the bomb scare was declared a hoax; we're now happily back in our unharmed little flat.

The tabloids, which have already decided that our neighborhood is a hotbed of undesirable political activity, will have a field day. Perhaps it will be quieter in Egypt...